Graphing Physical Intimacy

hahaha I find this image funny because with thesis due date looming in one week and the number of figures and graphs I still need to complete...is nothing compared to the simplicity of this graph regarding physical intimacy. It speaks so much.

Taken from "Sex and the supremacy of Christ" ed. John Piper and Justin Taylor

3 of the articles I posted before this one is in this book. Lawrence writes that he's not suggesting a new set of boundaries not to cross in regards to the figures, but to reconsider what it means to be physically intimate between a man and a woman. Interestingly Carolyn McCulley touches base about emotions and the depth you share banters with male colleagues (if you're a female). I wonder if the book talks more about emotional intimacy and what the bible has to say about it.

I like how McCulley in the 'sex and the single woman' chapter writes that "our most important identity is not being single; it's being saved." In my head the same would apply for any stage of our lives whether widowed, married, 'dating', single, young, old.

Our identity is in Christ, our status is saved. He is glorified!

The more I read about these articles or stuff about relationships, sex etc. the more I'm convicted about what I stand for and want to follow. It's radical compared to how most Christians think. It's challenging because I know I'll get teased for it (and already have), it may 'decrease' chances but I guess I'm not willing to commit or willing to invest in a guy and compromise my or his identity in Christ. Perhaps partially I'm afraid to go down the path I knew I was weak in. No point testing how strong I am now. It seems so much harder in a culture where we have a choice in a partner...

In all honesty I don't really believe that it'll decrease chances or "I'm not helping myself much" having such views/standards. If that were so, it'll seem I'm trusting that outcomes are based on works and I'm blessed by what I do or how godly I am or whatever. God doesn't really work like that if I understand his grace.

Hopefully the next post will be about a different topic. I guess I've been posting more so on these topics because I'm surrounded by it at the moment or perhaps...distracted/disturbed by it.

The game and playing it biblically

Wow wow wow wow wow.

This really challenges so many norms that the game is currently being played in Christian circles. Even within CU, if we assume that CUers generally go through sound biblical teaching. Application of what we learn is another ball game but if we stick to the generalisation and assumption that being taught with sound teaching would imply correct application is happening.

Reading three articles related to relationship prior to marriage. Many hit home and I personally connected mostly with the first article. I think the articles also apply to females. I've quoted or summarised what stuck out most for me for each article below.

I have always thought if I ever do get into the game again how would I play it out having observed so many relationships (secular and non-secular) and understanding that biblical standards is nothing close to what our culture depicts. Also knowing that these biblical standards is not matching the relationships I observe between Christian couples as well! This is a challenge...as I watch my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ...what part do I play?


1. What Does a Biblical Relationship Look Like? -Scott Croft

"In modern dating, intimacy precedes commitment. In biblical courtship, commitment precedes intimacy."

"The motive for dating or courting is marriage. The practical advice I give the singles at our church is, if you cannot happily see yourself as a married man (or woman) in less than one year, then you are not ready to date."

"prior to the decision to marry, he should always engage with her emotionally in a way he would be happy for other men to engage with her."


2. Physical Intimacy and the Single Man -Matt Schmucker

Is it unacceptable or acceptable for a married man to:

• have sex with a woman who is not his wife?
• kiss, caress, and fondle a woman who is not his wife (something short of intercourse)?
• have a meal with a woman not his wife and engage in extended conversation about each other's lives (likes/dislikes/struggles/pasts)?

If unacceptable was answered for 2 or 3 out of the 3 questions then a double standard exists!


3. Stop Test-Driving Your Girlfriend -Michael Lawrence

"To date her just long enough to discern if you're willing to love her sacrificially"

Association

Had a few more thoughts coming through related to the previous post.

It was not so much that I am associated with second best, more so that I am the second best that is associated with so and so. If you have ever heard the secular term "pissing in your own pool" then perhaps you may connect with what I am trying to say.

As for the gossip floating through other people's minds, it is not so much that I would personally feel hurt, but more so if others who have may been associated with the person before may be hurt by the talk going around. Secondly, although I do not personally feel hurt by the gossip, I should be aware that it encourages others to gossip and in result there may be the need to make effort to remediate the issue.

As for people's past, I think the issue was much more so being aware of how they may have dealt with situations, with people, their character and how I would I react to it. And whether they have learnt, made necessary changes, or grown from their past...

Basically at the end of the day, the problem is not their's, but mine. The need to judge people objectively especially if I do not know them well and most importantly through God's eyes, not only through my own.

Pride

Take it away. A way to fall beneath the reality of where you stand is when you become proud.

I think I have a pride that is not good. A bias, a judgment against Christians who have been tainted (there's a better word for this but can't put a finger on it right now). Funnily it's not like I'm any different.

Second best.

It does not matter when I think about how I understand God's grace. If grace has taken hold of me and I no longer am under the sinful nature then why should someone's past matter anyway if they have fallen under the same grace of God?

Perhaps it is being viewed by others that I'm associated with second best. The residual, the left over. But if that is the case then wow....I make others look like losers. What about me? I'm the residual, the lost loser, which Christ chose to have mercy on and befriend. My dodgy past he's taken away. I am righteous before God through the redemptive work of his dead and resurrection.

The approval of others, the gossip floating through the minds of other Christians. It is important to live in wisdom by seeking the advice of others and weigh up how someone's history could possibly influence their or my actions in the future, however at the end of the day it is about God's approval. You make a choice, in hope that God did approve your choice. If not, he'll still use it to work out his purposes.

Scattered thoughts.

Mutual Encouragement

At Albany airport about to board the plane to Perth on 25/9/09, 16:00 after 5 nights and 5 days working with Kim Brooksbank (supervisor) on my final year project. Thanks Kim!

Whilst in Albany I learned a couple of things so that I understood more about myself.

• If I were to have very minimum contact with Christians, I would find it quite difficult to be on fire for God I think...
• Also working in a secular job and not doing anything else or have much contact with Christians I probably won't survive the job.

Well I know I will survive because with God's strength he will enable me to keep looking towards him and be thankful in my circumstance. Phil 4:13.

All this has led me to think that I would love to share life with someone closely through all that...

Therefore if I am blessed in this lifetime a marriage partner where we both are able to mutually encourage each other by our faith (Rom 1:12) would be a very awesome bonus in this life. But not a necessity. He'll bless us with others in the same faith so that we are able to do what Paul felt in Rom 1:11-12. I felt that in particular with some Christian friends here in Perth.

It's good to be back although I wished I could have stayed longer in Albany as it help heading into the office where Kim works everyday. Now it's cramming time to finish thesis, present the project findings and complete other unit assessments for the next 4 weeks before exams.

6 year old correspondences

Procrastinating, yep that's right another assignment due in 15 hours.

Okay so now what, 6 year old correspondences is the topic. Part of my procrastination is to check my email a thousand times. I'm flicking through some preeeety old emails, that is from my email prior to the current one I use now because I know nothing new is going to come through my current email at this time of the night/morning, so why not read even older ones in the old email I created during highschool.

I'm chuckling because I could bring out a gag bucket reading the correspondences I'm looking at from 1st-2nd year of uni. Aah, young love, so naive and quick to jump into writing whatever is on the mind without much maturity or caution to guard each others hearts. As the dates progress the tone of the emails change, from naive love, to frustration and tension. hahaha, it's amusing and for the unlikely people who read this, if you're going through any sort of frustration/issues/sadness, you'll most probably laugh or just smile about it in a few years time. So try not to feel too bad about it now and/or hang on to it for too long...

Most importantly if you know God, the real thing to look forward to is heavenward in Christ Jesus (Phil 3:14b). Rely on him.


ps. I quote part of a sentence I wrote in one of the correspondences "deep down I'm just really lost, confused, hurt and a nut case"

nut case....HAHAHAHAHAHA. I'm so glad I'm able to laugh at myself.

5 degrees 2:51am

Five degrees at 2:51 in the morning and I'm attempting to finishing off an assignment that's only worth 10% and a hydrodynamic model which I probably only understand about 30% of it....And obviously getting distracted youtubing or reading people's blogs. At least I'm not mentally giving up yet... =\

I was reading Kat's blog about her fears and anticipation of her future and her worth. Her open public honesty is something I can't describe. It's interesting because I know what she's thinking regarding about being unmarried by a certain time. I haven't felt that fear yet...well I hope I never feel it because it is something I think about now and then but I haven't felt regrets, fear, unhappiness about the circumstance I am in. I think I tend to accept the situation quite comfortably and look forward to what I definitely know which is the blessed hope, heading home with Christ.

Yes it is quite exciting to get married, raise up toddlers, kids, teenagers, young adults, go through the good and bad with a husband and serve God together as a family! But how much more exciting it is to reunite with God's family for eternity. I can only look past the present, and past the future of this lifetime. I am not certain of 5 years, 10 years, 50 years down the road but am certain of God's promises. Meanwhile, we just gotta keep running the race under his amazing grace!

Acknowledging Kat's thoughts.

And always acknowledging you LORD who is trustworthy.

=]
J