Have you read this before? Are you finding that the advice Candice is giving is a bit one sided and suited for particular type of girls? I read this a while back but something triggered me to ask another opinion...
I find it hard to nod to 100% to what she's advising. There are agreeable stuff, then she taints that good stuff with stuff like part of an answer to Q3, "It's his job to lead and if you jump the gun, assuming this role, you'll be establishing an unsettling pattern."
As if a girl can never tell a guy she likes him and then leave the ball in his court....besides no one is leading anyone considering there is nothing to lead when there is no BGR (boy girl relationship) yet. Also from a biblical perspective no where does it say in the bible, a woman cannot ask a man out. Sure most girls (myself included) would prefer that the guy initiates it...however imagine a couple dating for 6 years and the girl is thinking..what's going on, is she to wait for him (possible another few years...) to 'take the lead' and ask her hand in marriage or does she make it clear (jump the gun) and if he doesn't act then...goodbye, since they are wasting each other's time. Oops did she just lead by leaving him?
There's some good articles on that website, but seriously that QnA page doesn't serve the site justice.
Thoughts?
4 comments:
There's an interesting article about "pulling a Ruth" in which Candice confronted Steve when they were still friends. They'd been hanging out a lot and she said something along the lines of "ask me out or we'll stop hanging out".
Leadership and submission looks different for every couple. Giving Candice the benefit of the doubt: maybe her advice is in reaction to society's perception of male and female roles in relationships.
Hey Kat
I thought boundless was about giving perception and advice from the POV of the bible instead (as much as possible) instead of today's cultural perception. If anything, today's society perception of male and female roles in society is a mixed bag of what the bible teaches regards to husbands and wives, and something completely different to what it teaches. Her answers feels like it took something from what the bible says and generalising with huge assumptions about girls and guys. ie. Not all guys are able to pick up that "aura" if a girl likes him because some guys will just have NO clue that a girl likes him.
I read "Pulling a Ruth" a while back hence was surprised with the content of the QnA article. There seems to be some inconsistencies. Perhaps she wrote those two over very different times and her thoughts may have changed.
I guess I was disappointed in the inconsistency and generalised assumptions. I would be highly disappointed to most of her answers if I had been the author of the questions.
Hey JunJet, I know you through CU and bus trip 08 (Sarah).i know what you are saying and i will explain my POV which may be a bit extreme.
The way i look at is well if i have to ask a guy (to marry me or whatever) he isn't worth it. Really. If i have to nag him into it, then he really isn't that 'into me' and i'd be better off finding a guy who would jump at the chance to ask me.
A lot of guys these days are passive do things to keep themselves out of trouble. If females then take it upon themselves to make decisions like this i think it can (not always) reinforce pattern of a relationship, esp in current cultural context. Some say that part of Adam's sin was his passivity as he knew what Eve was doing was wrong but he didn't want to take a stand against her.
So yeah people do have different personalities so it might work for some. I do think that as a general rule it is a bad idea for a woman to dominate a man and i think this is easy to occur if there is just the one partner making major decisions (well it works both ways doesn't it).
Hey Sarah (Tims???)
Thanks for you comments! Yeah agree about nagging and the dominant wife look. argh.... I cringe when I see a guy being told off in public. Or even a woman by her husband, but the other way around feels worst.
General rule that you go with, I think it is fair to go with. However there can be a danger with that depending on the circumstance. Clearly the case I put forward with the 6 year relationship (before marriage) in the post is not an ideal situation and the guy is quite passive (unless they started dating when they were reeeally young, which is not recommended...off topic...). However I was using that (poor) example to put forward a case against Candice's advice on her QnA page that a girl does not EVER say anything because guys know it all. Just wait for them to act because they always pick up that aura from you...really???
Yes guys can be passive in their leadership, but it's not just up to them to figure it out alone. Under Christ we build each other up and teach and admonish each other. Encourage them in their leadership. If I was a mother and saw how passive my son was towards another girl, I'd be helping and cautioning him to think and act wisely. If I wasn't his mother but a friend, I'd do the same in a slightly different way because of my relationship with him...especially if none of the guys are picking him up on it.
Guys' passiveness is not just their fault, (the result of sin). Because we too, can be far too silent.
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