Graphing Physical Intimacy

hahaha I find this image funny because with thesis due date looming in one week and the number of figures and graphs I still need to complete...is nothing compared to the simplicity of this graph regarding physical intimacy. It speaks so much.

Taken from "Sex and the supremacy of Christ" ed. John Piper and Justin Taylor

3 of the articles I posted before this one is in this book. Lawrence writes that he's not suggesting a new set of boundaries not to cross in regards to the figures, but to reconsider what it means to be physically intimate between a man and a woman. Interestingly Carolyn McCulley touches base about emotions and the depth you share banters with male colleagues (if you're a female). I wonder if the book talks more about emotional intimacy and what the bible has to say about it.

I like how McCulley in the 'sex and the single woman' chapter writes that "our most important identity is not being single; it's being saved." In my head the same would apply for any stage of our lives whether widowed, married, 'dating', single, young, old.

Our identity is in Christ, our status is saved. He is glorified!

The more I read about these articles or stuff about relationships, sex etc. the more I'm convicted about what I stand for and want to follow. It's radical compared to how most Christians think. It's challenging because I know I'll get teased for it (and already have), it may 'decrease' chances but I guess I'm not willing to commit or willing to invest in a guy and compromise my or his identity in Christ. Perhaps partially I'm afraid to go down the path I knew I was weak in. No point testing how strong I am now. It seems so much harder in a culture where we have a choice in a partner...

In all honesty I don't really believe that it'll decrease chances or "I'm not helping myself much" having such views/standards. If that were so, it'll seem I'm trusting that outcomes are based on works and I'm blessed by what I do or how godly I am or whatever. God doesn't really work like that if I understand his grace.

Hopefully the next post will be about a different topic. I guess I've been posting more so on these topics because I'm surrounded by it at the moment or perhaps...distracted/disturbed by it.

The game and playing it biblically

Wow wow wow wow wow.

This really challenges so many norms that the game is currently being played in Christian circles. Even within CU, if we assume that CUers generally go through sound biblical teaching. Application of what we learn is another ball game but if we stick to the generalisation and assumption that being taught with sound teaching would imply correct application is happening.

Reading three articles related to relationship prior to marriage. Many hit home and I personally connected mostly with the first article. I think the articles also apply to females. I've quoted or summarised what stuck out most for me for each article below.

I have always thought if I ever do get into the game again how would I play it out having observed so many relationships (secular and non-secular) and understanding that biblical standards is nothing close to what our culture depicts. Also knowing that these biblical standards is not matching the relationships I observe between Christian couples as well! This is a challenge...as I watch my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ...what part do I play?


1. What Does a Biblical Relationship Look Like? -Scott Croft

"In modern dating, intimacy precedes commitment. In biblical courtship, commitment precedes intimacy."

"The motive for dating or courting is marriage. The practical advice I give the singles at our church is, if you cannot happily see yourself as a married man (or woman) in less than one year, then you are not ready to date."

"prior to the decision to marry, he should always engage with her emotionally in a way he would be happy for other men to engage with her."


2. Physical Intimacy and the Single Man -Matt Schmucker

Is it unacceptable or acceptable for a married man to:

• have sex with a woman who is not his wife?
• kiss, caress, and fondle a woman who is not his wife (something short of intercourse)?
• have a meal with a woman not his wife and engage in extended conversation about each other's lives (likes/dislikes/struggles/pasts)?

If unacceptable was answered for 2 or 3 out of the 3 questions then a double standard exists!


3. Stop Test-Driving Your Girlfriend -Michael Lawrence

"To date her just long enough to discern if you're willing to love her sacrificially"

Association

Had a few more thoughts coming through related to the previous post.

It was not so much that I am associated with second best, more so that I am the second best that is associated with so and so. If you have ever heard the secular term "pissing in your own pool" then perhaps you may connect with what I am trying to say.

As for the gossip floating through other people's minds, it is not so much that I would personally feel hurt, but more so if others who have may been associated with the person before may be hurt by the talk going around. Secondly, although I do not personally feel hurt by the gossip, I should be aware that it encourages others to gossip and in result there may be the need to make effort to remediate the issue.

As for people's past, I think the issue was much more so being aware of how they may have dealt with situations, with people, their character and how I would I react to it. And whether they have learnt, made necessary changes, or grown from their past...

Basically at the end of the day, the problem is not their's, but mine. The need to judge people objectively especially if I do not know them well and most importantly through God's eyes, not only through my own.

Pride

Take it away. A way to fall beneath the reality of where you stand is when you become proud.

I think I have a pride that is not good. A bias, a judgment against Christians who have been tainted (there's a better word for this but can't put a finger on it right now). Funnily it's not like I'm any different.

Second best.

It does not matter when I think about how I understand God's grace. If grace has taken hold of me and I no longer am under the sinful nature then why should someone's past matter anyway if they have fallen under the same grace of God?

Perhaps it is being viewed by others that I'm associated with second best. The residual, the left over. But if that is the case then wow....I make others look like losers. What about me? I'm the residual, the lost loser, which Christ chose to have mercy on and befriend. My dodgy past he's taken away. I am righteous before God through the redemptive work of his dead and resurrection.

The approval of others, the gossip floating through the minds of other Christians. It is important to live in wisdom by seeking the advice of others and weigh up how someone's history could possibly influence their or my actions in the future, however at the end of the day it is about God's approval. You make a choice, in hope that God did approve your choice. If not, he'll still use it to work out his purposes.

Scattered thoughts.