Breaking up

When a friend breaks up with her long term older (very much older) boyfriend and a bunch of you take her out the same night to talk and take her mind off things....it's a long time coming but you hope this time she will stick to it.

It's troubling how people are stuck in their relationships. There are good times but the inevitable will happen...they won't be together forever but they still stay together...

That's the thing I find disturbing in a relationship. The emotions and physical intimacy that is difficult to let go of. ARgh.... Although it might seem enjoyable, "love", and you might learn from it, it doesn't make it right.

I don't understand. I wish that things didn't have to be this way. But they always will be...

You'll always see this more evidently in non-Christian relationships. And sadly between Christians too.

Sometimes I wonder if it's easier with having a Christian mentality when it comes to relationships but within a context of a relationship between two non-Christians. The pool is certainly larger...not sure about the quality but quantity it sure is.

Marriage (trust)

"I don't know.

I love him Aaron.

I just..I know I can't control him. It's the hardest part about all of this."

"Trust always is with an alcoholic. But if you can't trust Mark, who can you trust?"

-Flashforward. Season 1, episode 5 "Gimme some truth"


Trust within a marriage...who can you trust? Without Jesus at the center I wonder how married couples do it. Christian couples don't even do it right...however she had it right saying she knows she can't control her husband. Control doesn't work in a relationship, love does.

The excitement about something

I'm 34 hours away from finishing my last exam ever (of undergrad studies anyway, and I don't plan to do anymore uni related studies).

Hopefully no more than a few days away from finishing the last assessment of uni...practicum report (DON'T LEAVE IT THIS LATE, else you'll have to sit the next round of graduation like me).

And if all goes well with passing, I am done.

HOMESTRETCH..!

Taking a few steps backwards to reflect the past week and a half.

Handing in thesis 2 days late without proofreading on at noon on Wednesday was terrible however it's in, and that's what matters. The experience of not having slept properly since the Thursday before was incredible. 39.5 hours had passed without sleep during the overlap when I handed in the printed hardcopies for marking.

I think I did another 34hour no sleep stint the day commencing the day before the actual due date of thesis (Monday), and prior to that the last hours of sleep I had was approximately 3 hours.

In summary not much sleep was happening for about 7 days. Since then completed a group modelling project, finished the last contaminant and fate transport assignment, a day of nothing (Saturday) but streaming Glee episodes from casttv.com and commenced a few hours of study for this last exam.

I guess what I'm trying to write about is, I'M EXCITIED. I'm excited about something I don't know about. I just feel it. Something exciting is going to happen. With uni coming to a close soon, if all goes well and even without a job lined up (due to lack of applying/trying, but it'll pick up soon) something great will happen.

After church tonight and a couple of hours infront of the tv interchanging between Rove and the conspiracy movie, I flicked to opening past assignments to prep for the exam. Then after one question, my mind flicked to planning all these things buzzing in my mind to do before bustrip. Lots of projects such as:

• a few videos
• tidying up some things for uni/thesis project
• youth group related
• number of people that catch ups have been long overdue
• the regular catchups

Wow. There's just so much to look forward to. The list didn't even include the beach, stupid stuff, running..hopefully, catch up on watching loads of DVDs, catch up on playing guitar hero over a few beers, reading catchup on theology stuff, INTERs camp, more video projects, seeing the construction of the house in Baldivis develop. Like wow. That in itself is exciting. Maybe that's it, that's what I'm excited about, all these things coming together to make a great summer.

Although the only downside is knowing me, I plan all these things but not all of it happens. However it's still exciting to know there's heaps to draw from. And it's great to know that God has it all in his hands with all that we plan because it's not entirely up to us. He will guide us through with all that we plan, rebuke the bad plans, and encourage the fruitful ones.

Looking forward to it all, even the frustrations that will come with these plans, as much as I dislike knowing that.

As for what life like will be in the future. I think instead of seeing the year like uni semesters and holidays as I always have the past few years during uni, I'll see and remember the future in seasons. Either that or in school terms because of youth group.

I wonder what autumn is going to look like. I'm excited!

Graphing Physical Intimacy

hahaha I find this image funny because with thesis due date looming in one week and the number of figures and graphs I still need to complete...is nothing compared to the simplicity of this graph regarding physical intimacy. It speaks so much.

Taken from "Sex and the supremacy of Christ" ed. John Piper and Justin Taylor

3 of the articles I posted before this one is in this book. Lawrence writes that he's not suggesting a new set of boundaries not to cross in regards to the figures, but to reconsider what it means to be physically intimate between a man and a woman. Interestingly Carolyn McCulley touches base about emotions and the depth you share banters with male colleagues (if you're a female). I wonder if the book talks more about emotional intimacy and what the bible has to say about it.

I like how McCulley in the 'sex and the single woman' chapter writes that "our most important identity is not being single; it's being saved." In my head the same would apply for any stage of our lives whether widowed, married, 'dating', single, young, old.

Our identity is in Christ, our status is saved. He is glorified!

The more I read about these articles or stuff about relationships, sex etc. the more I'm convicted about what I stand for and want to follow. It's radical compared to how most Christians think. It's challenging because I know I'll get teased for it (and already have), it may 'decrease' chances but I guess I'm not willing to commit or willing to invest in a guy and compromise my or his identity in Christ. Perhaps partially I'm afraid to go down the path I knew I was weak in. No point testing how strong I am now. It seems so much harder in a culture where we have a choice in a partner...

In all honesty I don't really believe that it'll decrease chances or "I'm not helping myself much" having such views/standards. If that were so, it'll seem I'm trusting that outcomes are based on works and I'm blessed by what I do or how godly I am or whatever. God doesn't really work like that if I understand his grace.

Hopefully the next post will be about a different topic. I guess I've been posting more so on these topics because I'm surrounded by it at the moment or perhaps...distracted/disturbed by it.

The game and playing it biblically

Wow wow wow wow wow.

This really challenges so many norms that the game is currently being played in Christian circles. Even within CU, if we assume that CUers generally go through sound biblical teaching. Application of what we learn is another ball game but if we stick to the generalisation and assumption that being taught with sound teaching would imply correct application is happening.

Reading three articles related to relationship prior to marriage. Many hit home and I personally connected mostly with the first article. I think the articles also apply to females. I've quoted or summarised what stuck out most for me for each article below.

I have always thought if I ever do get into the game again how would I play it out having observed so many relationships (secular and non-secular) and understanding that biblical standards is nothing close to what our culture depicts. Also knowing that these biblical standards is not matching the relationships I observe between Christian couples as well! This is a challenge...as I watch my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ...what part do I play?


1. What Does a Biblical Relationship Look Like? -Scott Croft

"In modern dating, intimacy precedes commitment. In biblical courtship, commitment precedes intimacy."

"The motive for dating or courting is marriage. The practical advice I give the singles at our church is, if you cannot happily see yourself as a married man (or woman) in less than one year, then you are not ready to date."

"prior to the decision to marry, he should always engage with her emotionally in a way he would be happy for other men to engage with her."


2. Physical Intimacy and the Single Man -Matt Schmucker

Is it unacceptable or acceptable for a married man to:

• have sex with a woman who is not his wife?
• kiss, caress, and fondle a woman who is not his wife (something short of intercourse)?
• have a meal with a woman not his wife and engage in extended conversation about each other's lives (likes/dislikes/struggles/pasts)?

If unacceptable was answered for 2 or 3 out of the 3 questions then a double standard exists!


3. Stop Test-Driving Your Girlfriend -Michael Lawrence

"To date her just long enough to discern if you're willing to love her sacrificially"

Association

Had a few more thoughts coming through related to the previous post.

It was not so much that I am associated with second best, more so that I am the second best that is associated with so and so. If you have ever heard the secular term "pissing in your own pool" then perhaps you may connect with what I am trying to say.

As for the gossip floating through other people's minds, it is not so much that I would personally feel hurt, but more so if others who have may been associated with the person before may be hurt by the talk going around. Secondly, although I do not personally feel hurt by the gossip, I should be aware that it encourages others to gossip and in result there may be the need to make effort to remediate the issue.

As for people's past, I think the issue was much more so being aware of how they may have dealt with situations, with people, their character and how I would I react to it. And whether they have learnt, made necessary changes, or grown from their past...

Basically at the end of the day, the problem is not their's, but mine. The need to judge people objectively especially if I do not know them well and most importantly through God's eyes, not only through my own.

Pride

Take it away. A way to fall beneath the reality of where you stand is when you become proud.

I think I have a pride that is not good. A bias, a judgment against Christians who have been tainted (there's a better word for this but can't put a finger on it right now). Funnily it's not like I'm any different.

Second best.

It does not matter when I think about how I understand God's grace. If grace has taken hold of me and I no longer am under the sinful nature then why should someone's past matter anyway if they have fallen under the same grace of God?

Perhaps it is being viewed by others that I'm associated with second best. The residual, the left over. But if that is the case then wow....I make others look like losers. What about me? I'm the residual, the lost loser, which Christ chose to have mercy on and befriend. My dodgy past he's taken away. I am righteous before God through the redemptive work of his dead and resurrection.

The approval of others, the gossip floating through the minds of other Christians. It is important to live in wisdom by seeking the advice of others and weigh up how someone's history could possibly influence their or my actions in the future, however at the end of the day it is about God's approval. You make a choice, in hope that God did approve your choice. If not, he'll still use it to work out his purposes.

Scattered thoughts.