This really challenges so many norms that the game is currently being played in Christian circles. Even within CU, if we assume that CUers generally go through sound biblical teaching. Application of what we learn is another ball game but if we stick to the generalisation and assumption that being taught with sound teaching would imply correct application is happening.
Reading three articles related to relationship prior to marriage. Many hit home and I personally connected mostly with the first article. I think the articles also apply to females. I've quoted or summarised what stuck out most for me for each article below.
I have always thought if I ever do get into the game again how would I play it out having observed so many relationships (secular and non-secular) and understanding that biblical standards is nothing close to what our culture depicts. Also knowing that these biblical standards is not matching the relationships I observe between Christian couples as well! This is a challenge...as I watch my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ...what part do I play?
1. What Does a Biblical Relationship Look Like? -Scott Croft
"In modern dating, intimacy precedes commitment. In biblical courtship, commitment precedes intimacy."
"The motive for dating or courting is marriage. The practical advice I give the singles at our church is, if you cannot happily see yourself as a married man (or woman) in less than one year, then you are not ready to date."
"prior to the decision to marry, he should always engage with her emotionally in a way he would be happy for other men to engage with her."
2. Physical Intimacy and the Single Man -Matt Schmucker
Is it unacceptable or acceptable for a married man to:
- have sex with a woman who is not his wife?
- kiss, caress, and fondle a woman who is not his wife (something short of intercourse)?
- have a meal with a woman not his wife and engage in extended conversation about each other's lives (likes/dislikes/struggles/pasts)?
3. Stop Test-Driving Your Girlfriend -Michael Lawrence
"To date her just long enough to discern if you're willing to love her sacrificially"
1 comment:
On Wednesday after a number of people had left, it was just 4 of us and we were talking about dating relationships. Laura summed it up well when she said: we were made for marriage, not for dating!
There's more than what we're made for than marriage of course, but when it comes to relationships, dating really sucks!
I found that my experience with Josh was SO HARD because I'm meant to guard my heart, but also let him in a bit, but not too much: we're not married. We're sorting testing out whether we can be interdependent, but we can't be yet: we're not married. We're figuring out how to love each other self sacrificially, but it's not totally self sacrificially yet because... we're not married! It was a very frustrating process for me and it made me rather insecure in the relationship. I reckon what Michael Lawrence said is very wise, and Ben and Shelley had the right idea ;)
What part do I play?
Honour your brothers and sisters.
Encourage them to higher standards.
Be gracious as they make decisions you wouldn't: the same Spirit is at work in them as in you (I find this the hardest).
Good post, Jun!
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